Our #1 Piece of Wedding Planning Advice
A Quick Intro
Hey there! I'm Laura, main photographer here at Forthright Photo, and together with my partner Devon, we've been photographing outdoor, unconventional, adventurous weddings of all sizes and kinds throughout our home state of Washington and the Pacific Northwest for over a decade now. We've had the honor of working with hundreds of couples on their wedding day, and we know firsthand how overwhelming the process can feel to folks as they start planning their wedding or elopement day, and just how much fluff and noise exists around wedding planning in general.
So, now that you know who we are, let's get you some actually useful wedding planning advice.
Our Golden Rule of Wedding Planning
You ready for our golden rule, our Number One Piece of Advice that we give to all couples planning a marriage celebration of whatever variety, big wedding, small wedding, elopement, or some combination of the above? Ok, here goes:
- There are no rules.
- I repeat, there are no rules.
Do what you want! Seriously. I know it sounds very cheesy and not super helpful, but if you’re waiting for someone to give you permission to plan the celebration you actually want; you have to give it to yourself. It is your party, after all. There’s a wonderful variety of people and love in the world, and there are as many ways to celebrate your marriage as there are stars in the sky. You can do pretty much anything you want on your wedding day. Don’t let the magazines or your great aunt fool you, there’s actually no rules to planning a wedding, and any vendor worth their salt will be ecstatic to help you achieve a celebration that's unique to your love. (we really love finding new ways to apply our skills, it’s super fun for us.)
If you are getting overwhelmed by the number of options, traditions, ideas, and opinions in the wedding world constantly being thrown at you, here are some tips to surviving:
Unplug. Take a few moments to shut off all the wedding noise in your life. I know, it’s super tempting to take in as much information and ideas as possible because there’s so much to absorb. Plus the algorithm is probably blasting you with wedding content 24/7 right now. But that super fun, info-gathering, day-dreaming phase can quickly spiral into an informational overload and decision fatigue hellscape that leaves you stressed, overwhelmed, and confused. So, once you’ve done some day-dreaming, shut it all off for a little while. A few hours, a few days, take a whole week or a whole month. Let the noise of everyone else’s wedding ideas die down and sit with what you and your partner really want for your wedding day, nobody else.
Make A List Of What You Really Care About. I like to call these your wedding day priorities. It can be words, thoughts, moods, photos, dream boards, visual inspiration, whatever your medium is: have a vision and a goal for your wedding day that you and your partner can wholeheartedly commit to. That way, the inevitable distractions, last minute suggestions, and outside opinions don’t stress you out as much, because you already know where you’re headed & can field different ideas and decide whether they align with your vision of how *you* want your day to be.
Don’t Judge Yourself (or your partner) Do you really want that big troupe of 70 live alpacas for your reception? You live your best life, my friend. Do you really want to backpack into the wilderness of Alaska and elope on top of a glacier with no one else in sight? Go live that dream! If you still can’t decide on something after a couple of days, the best advice is to not panic, and don’t commit to anything out of panic. It’s okay, you have time, and you don’t need to make all the decisions right this minute.
Examine What is Causing You Stress. For me, this usually means making some kind of list. Write down the traditions or wedding elements that you’re uncertain you want to include, the ones you’re stumped on, or the ones that are causing you stress. Talk about them with your partner. Figure out if you’re stressed by the entire process of planning a wedding, or maybe you’re just stressed about that stupid seating arrangement. Maybe you really want to elope, but the idea of telling your mom is giving you the cold sweats. Maybe your budget is stressing you out, and you can't figure out how realistic your numbers are.
Get Info From Experts Don't know how realistic your budget is? Having a hard time brainstorming what's possible for your wedding or elopement? Feeling like there's tons of options and you don't know what you don't know? Not sure what you need to do first? Ask. An. Expert. And by expert, I don't mean your friend who got married last summer, but someone who works, lives, and breathes weddings! Find a wedding planner who you can sit down with for maybe just an hour (some planners offer just consulting packages where they help you make decisions and give you feedback), ask your vendors (if you've hired any already). Honestly, vendors are a treasure trove of information, all you gotta do is ask! We'll happily talk your ear off, and send you referrals, recommendations, inspiration, and feedback.
Ask Quality Questions. Are these things making you happy? Are they actually worth the stress they are causing? Do you really want this thing, or are you just including it because you feel like you have to? Is this thing important to your partner? (if so, actually ask them “how important is this to you?) Does this thing make your wedding more joyful? Do you feel like you’d have more fun on your wedding day if you didn’t have to worry about this thing? In five years, will this thing matter? In ten years, will this thing matter?
Ignore the Wedding Industrial Complex I know this is a hot take coming from a wedding vendor, but out in the wild world of the wedding internet? There's frankly a lot of useless advice, scare tactics, sales pushes, and inadequacy marketing that's all trying to make you feel like you NEED something they're selling for your wedding to be special. (Which you don't, by the way.) You don't need a special 12 month regime of botox and facials to be your most beautiful self on your wedding day, your friends will still love you if you decide to skip a welcome dinner, and your elopement will still be beautiful if you can't afford a full service planner. It can take mental fortitude to be able to tell when the consumerism of the wedding world is taking over what should be a fun, expressive, creative process, but it's a vital skill to surviving your wedding planning!
And finally:
Breathe some more. Be confident in your ability to pull this off, because you can. Be fearless in your pursuit of a wedding day that truly speaks to who you are together, because that’s the shit that lasts. And also be gentle with yourself, because at the end of the day, it’s about love and having a blast celebrating who you & your partner are together. And if you want a helping hand, or an encouraging pep talk, you can always reach out and we can chat it over together.
Cheers! -Laura
